Taking the leap

I’m a novice rock climber.  I recall my last outdoor climb at the Gunks last summer.  The final part of a fairly arduous climb required me to balance with the tips of my toes on a tiny ledge, while reaching around a blind corner for a handhold.  To reach the handhold, I needed to lean out over a huge open gap and I wasn’t sure if my arm was long enough.  I was properly tied with the safety ropes, but I knew that if I missed the handhold or if my toes slipped on that tiny ledge, I would fall and all that effort I had put into climbing up there would go to waste.  As the seconds inched by, I got increasingly tired and knew that I either had to go for it or give up.  Finally, with a small sigh, I leaned out.  It was too far.  I was going to slip.  Then miraculously, my body instinctively adjusted itself in this strange new spider-like position.  Who knew it was capable of doing that.  I regained my balance and managed to grab on.  I was on my way once again.

One way to get out of the “Land of In Between” is to put yourself out there – to openly declare “Yes, this is who I want to be. I’m not there yet, but that’s where I want to get to”.

I did this the other day (in a non-rock climbing scenario) and it felt really scary because once again, I had no idea how I was going to get there and if I would make it.

Then a funny thing happened.  Just like that day upon the ledge, once I took the leap I suddenly felt a lot more supported.  Almost miraculously, people around me began to emerge to tell me that they understood what I wanted to do and were ready to help when I needed it.

So the next time the opportunity presents itself, I know what I’ll do.  Jump.

The Land of In Between

“We’re hoping to succeed; we’re okay with failure. We just don’t want to land in between.”
–David Chang (HT Seth Godin’s Blog)

The “Land of In Between” is where I lived for a long time. In fact, I still do a lot of the time. After all, it’s really, really comfortable and it’s hasn’t been easy to find my way out.

For me the desire to leave “In Between” dawned on me rather gradually.

In school, I got good grades. Now I know that they don’t mean that I learned very much (see earlier post on What I learned in school), but it made me think that I was succeeding.

At work, I was getting promoted and commended for my “good work”. But when I look back at the impact I’ve had, the change I’ve created, and the type of people I’ve helped make successful. It’s nothing that I really want to shout from the rafters.

The turning point for me was probably when I decided to take a break from the system. Thanks to the support of a good friend and mentor. It gave me an opportunity to stop and think about what I really wanted to be when I grew up.

During that time, I literally stumbled upon Acumen Fund and a whole new world opened up for me. There I saw people who were making a real dent in the universe. They were leading and learning on the edge of their fields. Pushing their thinking and the thinking of others. Experimenting with clear expectations that they might fail. And every so often, through that process, they creating out-sized change that truly mattered.

This is what it means to be a leader – as an individual or as an organization. I don’t think people want to live “In Between”, they are just looking for someone to show them how to navigate the edge.

I don’t believe I’ve quite made it to the “Land of Living on the Edge” quite yet. But thanks to the amazing leaders at Acumen Fund and the friends in my life who push me to be more, I’m actually inspired to make the leap.

Misery is

(1) The death of a child. Not yet 10 months old, VM was HIV+ and was reported to have died of fever and diarrhea at the district hospital three days ago. Her last measured weight, two weeks ago, was 2.9 kg.

(2) A child’s death, foretold. CM, now 20 months old, had been treated with a diet of 100 cal/kg/day for three months. At enrollment, she weighed 6.7 kg; today she weighs 6.9 kg. Also diagnosed with HIV, she has yet to begin ART despite repeated counseling.

(3) A mother’s death. LM’s mom died yesterday; his sister brought him to clinic today. Judging from his decline in weight over the past month, she was unable to care for him during her last days. Now 20 months old, LM weighs 5.0 kg today and is most likely HIV+ also.

In Dreams

You sidle alongside me in my dream, whispering tender provocation. On that other plane, we slake our longing to touch: nose to nape, hand to hollow, fingers to flank. We move unbidden: gliding in sinuous, unhurried rhythm, my rippling waves lapping at your welcome shores. Alas! Day breaks early on the rooster’s crow—only your scent lingers trailing tendrils of vanishing sleep.

Faking it

It’s been a bit of a rough day.

If you were home, I’d have demanded a snuggle the moment I walked in the door.

But you weren’t, so I tried to make do by getting into my pajamas, climbing into bed, pretending to lie on your shoulder and ask you to tell me about your day.

I imagined you telling me about the chameleon that fell from the tree onto the height board and it actually worked for about 1 min, before I started thinking about work again.

But I guess a minute was what I needed because I actually felt better.

I miss you lots. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to give you a call today, but hope to catch you tonight.

Love you.

Our song…

Do you hear me,
I’m talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I’m trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don’t know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I’ll wait for you I promise you, I will

I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we’re in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I’m sailing through the sea
To an island where we’ll meet
You’ll hear the music fill the air
I’ll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you’re all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I’m lucky we’re in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Evidence of non-lummoxishness…

@ Storm King with Linda

Bring to Light NYC – NYC’s first ever Nuit Blanche Festival @ Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Here’s some of the cool stuff:

The same warehouse getting “painted”

All on Oct 1, 2010

Wapow! My Bay Area Weekend

You’ve heard this all before, but I thought it was worth adding a few pics

Here’s Megan. All growns-ups. She giggled when I showed her the picture of herself

Cupcake tasting

Warehouse book sale

Greasy Ramen at Katana-Ya

Great view of SF from Treasure Island

A close finish at the dragon boat race

Dragon boat race isn’t complete without one

Complementation

I sit on my patio as the cool evening gives way to night. The sun sets in my sky as it rises in yours. You will be waking soon. I imagine you in bed as sleep dissolves into morning restlessness. I want to write something to capture our moment apart but no poetry comes to mind. There is no epic language for the trials of love split asunder. Homer didn’t care much for Penelope. There is only a long thread of loneliness, unspooling at a torpid pace: frayed, knotted, and tangled. How impoverished is my experience without you! You are my better half, by far. You are decisive when I waver. You are direct when I am obtuse. You address proximate cause where I intervene at the bitter end. You are quick of wit, and I am easy to laugh. You are thin to my thick. You are words to my song.

Testing post by email f(x)

So that I needn’t log in to wordpress each time.